The One Five. (Week 15)

"Here's the secret to finishing that first book. Don't rewrite as you go."
~ Laurell K. Hamilton

Choice #4. Betcha' didn't see that coming. 

I'm not exactly sure what my plans are, to be quite honest with you. And yes, because this isn't a theme or a prompt, I'm speaking directly to you. A lot of times throughout the semester, I've had to actively try not to do that. It was no easy task. I write a lot...Actually, I used to write a lot, but I was never 100% sure that anyone would ever read it, no matter where said writing was submitted. This was very different. Very...irritating. I might also cut the shit and admit that it was a hell of a lot of fun, even if I did want to run screaming from some of the prompts. 

Well...

Since I'm here, I may as well at least touch a little on everything that the Choice #4 category entails. 

We'll start with "hopes and dreams, strengths and weaknesses, ambitions and failures..."

I hope to hell that I can figure out just exactly what it is that I want to do with myself. I've been driven to write since the days in which I was scribbling angst in spiral notebooks with a Bic pen. I guess that graduating and smoking a lot of weed basically tossed me into a kitchen at some point, and I just became comfortable with the thought of doing that for the rest of my life. I was and still am goddamned good at doing that, but seeing as I had no real dreams of higher education until I was actually engaging in it, I just naturally assumed that I would continue doing just that. But upon being in the classroom; back in the habit of writing for a reason, and not just to unload thoughts or write lyrics for my music, I remembered why in the hell I was writing all of that shit in the first place: I just fucking love doing it. It's something I want to pursue in any capacity that I can, and hopefully get paid to do so. 

Which brings me to my failure, I suppose. 

As you so bluntly put it, there probably isn't much of a light at the end of that tunnel. Unfortunately for someone of my age, appearance and skill set, there aren't a whole hell of a lot of options left for me. I've hit that point in both my personal and professional life where I need to just decide to do something and ride it on out like a Harley on fire. The eventual outcome to doing both this and nothing at all is death, so I might as well at least do what I truly want to be doing, and do that damned thing to the best of my ability....or at least die trying to do that. 

I suppose I have too many romantic dreams, and have seen too goddamned many pictures of Hunter Thompson sitting by a window with a drink on his desk and a typewriter in front of him....but that's me, for better or worse. 

As is true for so many people, many of my greatest strengths are, ultimately, my greatest weaknesses and almost always eventually lead to my epic failures. I am a person that seems to enjoy learning the hard way, but somehow always manages to learn. 

And that brings us around to "reactions to the semester, what changed for better or worse in your writing; course experiences, problems, positives."

Hahahaha.

I've always been honest with you. In fact, I don't really have much to say on this part of the subject matter that I haven't said already throughout the course, itself. I am, after all, a reactionary human being. 

A lot has changed since starting this class, and though you may like to think otherwise, what you do is important. You said that you wouldn't recommend that anyone get an English degree, but you failed to see that despite your pay-grade and your apparent discomfort with it, people like you and Denise make a difference in some people's lives. I think that regardless of income, that says a lot about what people in your unique position are able to accomplish. I also think that regardless of my pay grade, were I in your position, that would make my life a slightly better place to reside. In short, it would be worth it. 

As for the positives and the negatives of the course....

Much like anything, there are pros and cons. Your "old fashioned" sensibilities make you slightly out of reach to someone who is a beacon of popular culture, such as myself. This works well to offer perspective and insight, but fails in your approach to prompts and the way you handle reading about material that is out of your comfort zone. I think your willingness to approach these things at all speaks well for your next round of students, though. Indeed, a willingness to adapt and understand goes a long way in reaching your audience, which is, of course, us...just as you are ours. 

Overall, I found this to be a monumentally pleasing experience, even when I was in the midst of writers block of the  most heinous nature. I appreciate having the opportunity to take one of you classes, and will probably do so again in one of my upcoming semesters. 

I recently read a quote that went something like this "Finishing a book is like taking a child outside and shooting it in the back yard." Or something to that tune. In a way, that's what this is like. I'll honestly miss having to bust my ass to do this every week, and can only say that due to the absence of not having a weekly goal, I may actually start getting some writing done for all of this goddamned music that I have sitting around. 

Thank you for your time, patience and most of all, just being there to give us this opportunity. 

I'm sure this isn't the last you'll hear from me, for good or for ill.